Feeling good - update on everything

Wey-hey. I'm feeling good. Gym twice this week, I'm stopping myself going into a tail spin on account of trying to find something wrong with me and deal with it. I'm benefiting from the benefits of having gone through therapy. I had some lasagne two nights ago - no side effects at all. Ie. dairy - cheese. Yippee!

My wife has realised that she is seeing me as her mum. I'm explaining that when she goes into her mind defences it's the same as getting into a playground barrel, and running inside. Pretty soon she's going at full tilt, and can't stop. She can't sleep, and gets anxious. Just stop running, and get out of the barrel. Instead go for a lovely walk to a place you like -in your mind.

So, suddenly I am confident in myself once again - in a good way. I am starting to relate to the girls in a different disciplining way, as my wife allows me to (she's not using them as her defence any more). That's a big crucial thing - as I'm not fearing her jumping in undermining me and trying to be ultra reasonable. Oh what a difference. It means I can let my youngest have her full vent, whilst being firm but soft. Be gracious whilst maintaining discipline. My oldest (15) is also starting to vent her feelings as she feels them - which she has never done before. Was it because the 12 year old was so dominating with her emotions, or was it my wife actually stopping her for if she let our her feelings of annoyance it would result in rejection for my wife? I think that may be the case. So now that my wife is more able to separate herself from the girls, not needing to use them as a defence against both her mum and by implication me, she can allow our oldest to express her emotions in such a way that could be taken as rejection. Actually she's just being honest. But my wife is learning that it's not a personal attack on her ability as a mum or anything else.

How wonderful!

I'm writing lots - one or two stories a week, and enjoying that. I still take photos, though more in the warmer weather. I love fishing, but again when it's warmer. Blue sky days being my favourite. I have two good male friends who live in the village. Open and honest with both. My wife is making friends, both where she used to live, as well as in the village. Oh how wonderful. My strength is returning, I'm going to the gym and it's not taking me down, I'm eating anything I want, and my wife is not blaming me for her pain anymore. And when she does I think of polo mints. God - I love him - though I've still to work some stuff out there, like church for example. My family - still some work to do there, but I don't feel as defensive now - so there's hope there too. I can see that if I get fit, I can go back to work, and work an honest day! But balanced. As a father, husband, friend, me.. YIPPEEE

Thanks. The real God - thanks so much.