What I want, what I enjoy

Not getting to bed till after 12.30am, then being woken up by my 12 year old as she was scared of ghosts at 1.30am didn't help my sleep requirements last night. Felt in a bit of a daze all day, but feeling better now that I've had a 30 min snooze.

Going to gym shortly.

Mix of emotions. I am starting to think seriously once more about whether to return to my company, or whether to sell it and do something new. I met with my sales director for 2 hours yesterday. Now there is someone I could work with. We talked about my ops director - who I am concerned about.

I could so easily return. Swing back in as MD - there'd be bits I'd enjoy. There's be bits that would be challenging. And there'd be bits I wouldn't want to do.

Enjoy - working with, listening to, empowering, vision casting, enabling, selling, potential, increase, bigger

Challenge - working with certain individuals who don't get big picture, getting people to change who want to but can't

Don't want to - get bogged down in detail.

I think that's a pretty good summary of what I want to do, and be involved in. I want to empower, enable and ever increase opportunity. I am challenged by people who want to but can't. I hate detail, business as usual, boring.

My mission statement would therefore be; to always be developing as an individual whilst providing for those closest and dearest to me. I find a good level of challenge and satisfaction within a growing and developing business context, growing and increasing opportunities along with everything that involves.

My values include; honesty, integrity, development, freedom, opportunity, success (within context of other values), work life balance, family, friends, me, God

What I want to achieve before I die; having been the best dad I can be towards my daughters - evidenced by confident, happy, supported girls who are happy being who they were created to be. Having been a supportive and loving husband, evidenced by a confident and happy wife with a great relationship avec moi to boot - still holding hands, having a laugh and being silly in our eighties. Having enjoyed my life, and having achieved my mission, evidenced by a feeling of satisfaction that I achieved what I set out to do, having built things of value and worth (not just cash), and having great relationships and good testimony. Standing before God and hearing him say 'Well done Mark' with a smile on his face.

So - with that in mind, what is it that I want to do? Do I want to go back to my company?

Pros;
I can, I can hit the ground running, I can increase sales, provide direction, improve morale confidence esteem, empower.

Cons;
Working with challenging people (will this be the same whatever I do?), potential long hours (as before), getting stuck (not good), is it a new challenge? Am I the best MD my business can have? Would I be pushing too much rather than focusing on status quo (management rather than entrepreneurial?) #

Those last two pieces are key. Could I do it? Would I want to push the entrepreneurial rather than needing to do business as usual. This would frustrate my team and staff if it's not the right time. We are in a credit crunch, cash is very very tight, profits hard to come by. Can the company afford a fresh injection of energy to push us on if that meant more change and more demands on my staff? This is a serious question.

For me it's a serious question too - as I can't get bogged down. The alternative would be to work there part time (whatever number of days) whilst also doing something else with someone like Karen ref business coaching. Or getting involved in a business turnaround which appeals for all of the cons. The challenging people I would just move aside, and would be out of there within six months anyway.

My wife needs lots of cash to do her farm - and this is the priority. So if I couldn't get the guys to buy in at a decent rate and decent percent then it wouldn't work anyway. If they could - then I have a choice. My wife would need a lot. Ideally £750k. That would give her a 30% deposit on a farm, and leave say £350k cash to do bits up whilst I concentrated on my company and other money earning possibilities.

The other option is just to sell my company, and set up a business coaching/turnaround practice.. Lots of challenge in that, a new start, and lots of cash for my wife. The pressure would be off to start with too - which appeals. I would feel bad ref the guys at my company who hope for a share - but maybe that would be offered by the company who buys us? Provided of course that we can sell in this climate for anything half decent value wise...

Lots to ponder.