I did so much today!

Wow. Here was my day (compare to a normal day of getting up, running out to work, spending all day behind a desk, coming home by 7pm tired)..;

• Got up at 8am
• Ate breakfast sat in our new garden room sat in the sunshine with the doors open
• Went up to a lovely old quarry in the peaks for an hour and sat in the sun admiring God's creation (quarry, rocks, views, hills, jackdaws (nesting), rabbit, green, blue, birds)
• Spent 20 minutes getting an update from work
• Went for an hour's walk with my wife along a disused railway line in the peaks
• Came home and had lunch
• Had a 30 minute snooze
• Sandpapered the newly plastered bits in front room ready for painting (this was hard work)
  
• Sat down for a break
• It was only 16:50!
• Made tea
• Ate tea
• Surfed the internet for 2 hours (looking for presents for my daughter's birthday)
• Pick up oldest daughter from friend's at 9pm
• Then I think I will read and go to bed

What a day and I feel content!

What's God good for?

Imagine I was to stand before you and your friends. Maybe there is a crowd of you. Standing next to me is a five year old. And he says "How many of you believe that I want to give 50p to the first person to ask for it?"

You would probably look at the lad, and think "He may just have 50p, but he's so young it would be a crime to take it from him". Others would think "Yes, I think he could stretch to 50p". As you contemplate this he says, "How many of you believe that I want to give you five pounds?".

This time your thought processes may go something along the lines of "Now hang on, £5 is a lot of money to such a small boy! If he does have it it would be all of his savings. And did he say 'I want to give'? Surely not."

Once again he breaks into your reasoning by suggesting he wants to give you £50, I doubt anyone would believe him capable and willing.

I watch the consternation on your faces, and I now offer you the £50. Many of you would look at me, my age, how I'm dressed and think "Yes, it's a lot of money, but it is possible he's good for it, certainly compared to the young boy". My friends would I know from my previous generosity and have no issues at all! If I now offered £100 to whomever believed I was willing, capable and desirous to give - those who don't know me would think "That's a lot of money, but what have I to lose?". My friends would think "Wow, Mark's really stretching it here.."

What if I were to offer £1,000? £50,000? £1m? At what point would even my friends think no way.

And why would my friends think this? Because they know that I am a man of limited means with a family. They know that I have a certain wisdom which would stop me giving in any way which would not be perceived as wise or prudent. Finally they would know that I don't have unlimited cash to give away, never mind more.

Now here's the rub. Imagine. God stands before you and says "Who believes that I am willing, desirous and capable of giving you a million pounds?". Now the question takes on a whole new dimension. No longer are we talking about a man with limited means. A man who can promise one thing but do another. We are talking about the great God Almighty. Adonai. The "I am who I am". The one whom cannot lie. Does not let His words fall to the ground empty. The first and the last, alpha and omega, who was and is and is to come.

What goes through our minds? Yes, He's good for it. Yes He's willing, desirous and capable. We think some more. That's God standing there. He's offering this to me.

But.

That little word. But. But - I'm not worth it. But, I can't. But, not me. Suddenly His question is not so much about His character, but about ours.

He then follows up His question with a string of questions;

"Who wants peace that transcends understanding? Who wants a quality of life which can't be surpassed? Who wants to drink living water that refreshes and brings life to your inner being? Who wants to exchange a sinful heart for one which is pure? Who wants to know truth, real truth, in the inwards parts and to be set free? Who wants to know my strength made perfect in your weakness? Who wants to know a father's love? Who wants a comforter for when you are grieving, a guide for when you are lost, or a counsellor that will help you when you don't know what to do? Who will believe me? Who will take me at my word?"

And He looks expectantly. Each of us knows He is looking at our hearts. I for one want to shout "Me!".

I'm not a failure!

Yesterday was Thursday and for the first time in a very long time I didn't open my laptop. So I had time to relax, and think. And reflect. And last night, I realised that I have been labouring under the misapprehension that I've been failing. As I looked at this I was astounded, and thought back over the years.

My gaining a degree, my early marriage at 22. my starting work, my developing my career, my utter desire to serve God, giving my all to church, to seeing people becoming Christians, to starting a family, to moving house, to changing jobs to more and more senior roles, moving house again and again, trying at church, starting a church, stopping a church, moving across the country, starting my company, getting it to forty staff, still being married, still having a good relationship with my daughters who are somewhat special, having one or two good friends, living in a lovely house, which we've just spent a fortune extending and adding wow factor... and..

In what sense have I failed?

Ok - so I am exhausted. Looking at what I've been doing along with the drivenness and pain from the past I'm not surprised.

Ok - so I've not been perfect. But then who is? We are still living in a fallen world with mortal bodies which seek to atrophy!

Ok - I've not done what I thought I would. What's new? How many boys want to be space men? So I haven't become the pastor of a large church. There's still time, and even if it never happens God knows and He is the one guiding my steps. I can't do more than that.

I've, as far as I am aware, not held unforgiveness, bitterness or resentment in my heart. I've not, as far as I'm aware, acted out of greed, fear or envy. I've not railed against my parents. I've not had an affair with another woman (physically at least!), I've not stolen, cheated or lied. I've done everything to the best of my ability in the belief that God was my father. I have never wilfully set out to destroy anyone. I genuinely believe that my heart's motivation was right, even if it has strongly been tainted (and at times polluted) by past pain and a lack of wisdom. But hindsight is a great tool, but useless in respect of the decisions that needed to be made at the time.

So how does God see me? That's a more emotional question for me at the moment.

How do I see me? As someone who has a pure heart, who desperately wants to do the right (godly) thing, and will try with all his might to do so. Soft, emotional, passionate, caring, faithful, broken, believing, gentle, patient (getting there), friendly, loving and quite disciplined.

And what's more - I'm not finished! Just because I've been worn down and am exhausted. There's still life in me! As I recover, I sense that I am only half way through. There's more treasure that God has placed deep inside. More energy. Life to be exploited and tamed. What, where and when - only God knows. But I'll be ready when he next leads. But for now, I'm happy to be made to lie beside pastures green..

I'm taking a sabbatical!

So, here's the email I sent out to all my staff this week (stuff deleted/changed to keep confidential);

All,

I managed to meet with a number of you yesterday, but as is always the way with holidays, client visits etc I was not able to speak to each one of you individually. My apologies for that. So here is a précis of what I said.

Structure Update

With immediate effect Tom has accepted the post of Operations Director. Within this new post Tom will take full responsibility for all the operational aspects of the company which includes all service delivery and IT infrastructure. If you have spent any time with Tom you will have heard him talk about approach, methodology and quality. He is not interested in a quick fix (as our work at client x has proven), but always wants to understand the business need as well as show it brings a sustainable and flexible solution. He is by no means a yes man, having said no to me far more often than a yes. In fact, remembering back over the last 2-3 years I don't actually recall him ever giving me a straight unqualified yes..

When I first started to talk to Tom about the Operations Director role he was very clear about how much work needed doing - and how key each of the managers, team leads and individual staff members would be to ensuring success. What's clear is that for Tom to be able to efficiently carry out this new role, plus taking into consideration the onwards growth of the company, he will need everyone within delivery to step up a gear. There is a lot to be done, not only in terms of new systems, processes and software, but also in terms of further developing each of the delivery teams. These will include a strong focus on developing team leads/managers.

Tom's reports are now;

• A1 team - with Bob as A1 Team Lead
• B1 team - with Rob as B1 Team Lead
• Programme office
• C2 team - with Tim as the Technical Services Manager running both the C1 and C2 consulting teams
• Internal Infrastructure - with Rod as the Infrastructure Manager

So there is much to be done, as he has oft quoted. But he's confident that with the full support of those who now report to him we can drive the company onto bigger and better. I trust that along with me you will wish Tom all the best in his new role. He has already been enormously encouraged by the various things that different people have said.

Change to the Board

As part of the company's development I have for some time been thinking about introducing new board members. In fact I have been actively wanting to build a strong management team since the formation of the company to enable consistent and profitable growth. With this in mind I have invited Alan and Tom to buy a share of the company (with real cash) and join the board. as such there will be formal monthly board meetings. The Senior Management Team (SMT) which has done such a good job of steering the company over the last few years, as well as providing support to me personally, will now disband. In it's place there will be a monthly manager's meeting in addition to the monthly board meetings. The monthly staff meetings will continue as they are an invaluable source of information for the whole company. That said Tim has suggested some changes which we are working on at the moment to make these staff meetings more interesting and informative.

Mark Andrew Update

As many of your are aware I first started contracting in 199? working with Client A managing some high profile and numerous systems, as well as being the senior for a number of high profile half billion pound projects. I moved from there to provide more ad-hoc consultancy to many organisations around the country before deciding to grow the company by hiring staff. I moved from A to B in 200? and in the October took on the top floor at our current offices. Chris was my first permanent employee (that took a sense of adventure on Chris's behalf!), and since then we have grown steadily to where we are today. Three years ago I said to my wife that I felt that I had expended all my energy and needed a rest. However, that was not possible. So for three years I have been running on empty. My body has not forgotten that fact, and reminds me continually. So now that I am in a position to bring Alan and Tom onto the board, as well as a clear management structure forming which will help drive the company forward I feel that I can at last take some time out to recover and recharge my batteries.

So with immediate effect I will be taking a part time sabbatical, for an estimated three to six months. During this time x (finance) will report to Alan and y (HR) will report to Tom.

What it means for me to take a part time sabbatical I'm not entirely sure as I've never done it before. But I expect that I will work on average a day a week, sometimes more. I will continue in my role as Managing Director - and stay involved in ALL strategic aspects of the company. In short, anything which can make or cost money I will know about.

Please don't forget that I am still the owner, and my own personal salary is dependant on the company doing well! If the company doesn't make money, I don't get paid. So I (and my wife/family) kind of have a vested interest! I will of course attend all board meetings, keep up to date via email and key meetings. I hope to be available for key client meetings as required. I enjoy a very strong relationship with both Tom and Alan, as well as with all the managers within the company (and more). So I feel confident that the good foundations we've laid will bear fruit. I'm optimistic about the new financial year about to start. There will be more changes, as this is in keeping with any developing and growing company. People will leave, more people will join. Staff will develop into new roles, gain new experience, delight customers and build new friendships. In short, I trust you all! I'm very proud of what we've built together.

Finally, two things. It was clear that some thought that I was selling the company. That's categorically not true. If I had wanted to sell I would already have done so. Further, there are currently no exit plans to do so - I'm staying and putting faith in you as I firmly believe we can continue to grow the company into a power house.

Secondly, may I say how incredibly touched I was at your response yesterday as I spelt out these changes. I personally feel quite guilty that I can't keep going at 150%, but I felt very supported and you are all a very kind bunch!

Yours,

Mark

Managing Director