Who is me?

Am I allowed to be me? Am I allowed to be like everyone else? Am I allowed to like fast cars? Ponds? Am I allowed to want to earn money, have status, be well regarded? Am I allowed to be loud, gregarious, verbal, driven, testosterone filled male? Am I allowed?

Am I allowed to like stereos, money, going out, leading, being out front, working?

Why wouldn't I?

Because it's money driven? Wrong motivation? Wrong? Not right? Why is it not right? Is it not right to like nice things because they are expensive? Or is it only if it's greed that it's wrong? Is it because they don't extend God's kingdom? They are personally orientated. For me. Because I like them?

King David. King Solomon. They had riches beyond compare! It was not all given to the temple, or God. They had the best of the best. They sought God, but were utterly human in their quest. They were not some super spiritual geek. They were human. I am human. They liked good things. I like good things. They liked women - I would if I were them. I like my wife ;o

They liked gold, wine, music, parties. they didn't mind spending time on themselves. So why do I? Why do I feel guilty? Is it that it doesn't toe the line? Is not kingdom related? I have to spend all my time and energy, money and everything else - including selling my children into slavery because what? I server the god Molech? Don't be silly. I serve a loving saviour, someone who created me to be me. In his image. Creative, thrusting, alive with desires, a personality, drive, ambition. No, not naked ambition that will carry out evil to get what I want. Not at all. But where the Lord blesses me because I have sought to follow him - then am I not allowed to enjoy the fruit of my labour?

Fruit of my labour - that is a biblical verse. Lamentations talks about the futility of man, and how because life is short to enjoy the wife of your youth, and the fruit of your labour.

So, a nice fast car which is not the most fuel economical? Does it stretch that far? What about the starving millions in Africa? The poor you will have with you always. Live in an attitude that what you have is not yours, but enjoy what is you have.

God walked in the cool of the day - his creation to enjoy. He'd created it, worked for it, and enjoyed it. It wasn't all work and no play. I am allowed to play. To enjoy my life, including my possessions. The fruit of my labour. God loves me, and I am allowed to be free to enjoy his love.

Walks through outstanding nature. Fishing on a blue sky day. Arm in arm with my wife. Driving over roads, feeling the speed and comfort whilst eating the miles. Listening to good music which feeds my soul. Being with mates. Enjoying my girls. Having sex with my wife. Watching a great film. Drinking aged wine. eating outstanding curries. Taking photos and writing stories. Helping others. Leading others. Creating wealth. Releasing wealth. Supporting others. Dreaming. Living. Loving.

Uncomplicated. Dreaming, loving, living.

Is there a law against that?

Is driving a nice car dreaming, loving, living? Or is it cheating? Lying? Stealing? Greedy? Ungodly?

I WANT TO DRIVE A NICE CAR _ SO WHY FEEL GUILTY?

I want to earn money because I can. Absolutely I want to do it in a balanced way - not as before. Not out of a need to gain significance or affirmation - not because I'm driven, but because I want to within the context of a balanced life where my sound desk of life is balanced.

Run a business. Create a business. Create wealth. Create opportunity. Release life. Release love. Release dreams.

I am allowed to. My old templates are just that. Old templates. Based on a misguided desire to please God. They serve a man made god with man made rules. And if they are godly, God himself can convict me. Is he big enough for that? You betcha! Would I hear him? I don't know. For I am human.

I AM HUMAN.

NOT SUPER HUMAN. NOT AN ANGEL. NOT A SPIRITUAL ROBOT.

I want to dream. Love. Live.

DO YOU HEAR?

I WANT TO DREAM. LOVE. LIVE.

I could not do those as a child other than in the context of God. I fought hard to gain the trappings of dreaming, loving, living - yet they were based on pain. Now - hopefully having dealt with those things - I can dream, love and live because I want to. Because I am free to.

What does that look like? It means I am not carrying guilt for starters. There is nothing good about guilt. THERE IS NOTING GOOD ABOUT GUILT. Guilt does not come from God. Guilt comes from religion. Guilt comes from man made rules. Guilt comes from human. Flesh - demons.

There is no room for guilt in dreaming, loving, living. Guilt is destructive. Guilt is inhibiting. Guilt creates a prison, and robs dreams, love and life. I don't want to do guilt anymore.

So I have free choice. Freedom. Freedom to make my own decisions. To hold back, or to move forward. There is no right or wrong with either choice. Colours of the rainbow - none of them wrong. All of them beautiful.

Brilliant.