The vicious cycle of rejection

My wife has been struggling with her own stuff the last week or so. And as a result she wants to be able to express some of what she feels - which includes a lot of pain ref her mother. I have no problem with that. BUT.

The problem is that when she isn't giving me assurance on a regular basis that all is ok between us I really start to struggle. I fear that she is rejecting me, and immediately I feel rudderless. It's as if my frame of reference is removed, and I don't know what to do. It's like I am lost.

Do I be with her because she is struggling, or do I leave her alone? I can't do what I want to do, because doing so may be callous. So I kind of hover, even if not in the room. I am not free to do as I would want, communicating to her that I am available if she wants me. No. I am guilt ridden. What's the best thing to do? She's telling me she's ok and that I can do x, but maybe she's just saying that. Maybe she's annoyed with me, and that's why she is saying that.

I can't win. Neither can my wife. Meanwhile, she picks up that I am guilt ridden, and needing reassurance from her, but all she wants to do is express some anger from her past. So a vicious cycle starts. And that makes me more uncertain etc.

SO WHY DO I DO THIS?

Because I'm scared of being rejected. Who is scared of being rejected? The adult me, or the child me? The child me. The adult me knows that my wife is working through stuff. The child me sees the body language change and panics. Doesn't know what to do. I about to be rejected in some way. Do something. Show you are available, otherwise you will be assuaged with guilt.

I'm like a rabbit in headlights, unable to move. Which way to go?