High expectations

So. I'm now feeling a little grumpy. Why? Maybe lots of reasons. One of them being that I had high expectations from therapy. I expected one of the by products to be that I would feel physically great once I'd worked through all my crap. Right now I don't. Yes, I feel oh so much better than I did. I can eat almost anything, bar dairy.

But I still don't feel up to going to the gym. Or going for a run. I don't think I could hack a three day job, much less full time. And that's depressing. Gets me down. I feel down about it. I want to be able to be fit again. Feel good again. Not worry about my insides, my energy levels, where I will need a number two..

It is depressing. A real downer, for it goes on and on. It could be that I am only half way through. I have more to process, work through and ponder on. It could be that I am only a week and a half from the end of my last therapy session. Will I feel stronger and stronger as time goes on?

Also - I am much happier if my wife is happy. Happy with me. Happy with life. As it is, if she is struggling, especially with things I've done then I am not happy at all. It's like I take the blame for it. It's my fault.