Broken and sadness

I feel despondent. Down. No motivation for almost anything. My youngest is getting on my nerves.

This morning as I lay in bed, I became aware that I feel.. what.. sadness. As if someone had been in my house whilst I was away and broken into little pieces everything that was valuable to me. And there is a very definite sense of childhood mixed in with it. So as if my toy train, my soldiers, my cars, my games, my secret only boy things had all been broken and smashed. And the resulting feeling is one of pain and sadness.

What else can I say? I feel crap - in the sense of down. My favourite things have been broken. What's the point? I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself. Allow myself to grieve their passing.

And it's not lost on me that those precious things that were broken during my childhood was the very inside of me. It's as if I am broken on the inside. Smashed into little pieces - the real me. And all I can feel as I stare at the mess is sorrow. Pain. Grief. It ought not to have been so.