Stop rescuing, start living!

All of our married lives we have rescued. Church is an obvious place to rescue. Caring for people. Caring for others. Helping out, spending time with, encouraging, praying with, supporting, counselling, doing DIY for, giving lifts to, giving money to, having people live with us, stay with us, being hospitable, running (alpha, follow up, cell, home, prayer) groups. All very justifiable. All expected.

We are masters at it. My sister (see previous post) lost everything dear to her in the Thailand Tsunami of '04. She lost her partner of seven/eight years, and her best friend. She lost her physical health (still not fully recovered). She's not worked since. I got her (and another male friend) out of Thailand. I got her into a five start rehab place in Germany (where she was airlifted to - a long story in itself). I paid for her to go there as her insurance wouldn't cover it. She was there for 2-3 months. I stayed with her for 3 or so weeks (maybe 4) at the rehab place - talking with her, ensuring she was eating, getting her to and through physio therapy. I helped her pack her flat, cleaned her flat, dealt with her landlords, paid for it to be moved into storage, paid for storage for twelve months, paid for her to fly back to the UK, and then allowed her to live with us for six months whilst she continued to recover.

We put up with having to throw a barrier around her as she couldn't cope with people - including my parents. They didn't understand and blamed us. We paid for her to have laser surgery (not cheap either) on her eyes. We paid for this, and that, and the other. We took her to places, friends, etc. etc.

But that's just one example. We have done lots of rescuing type things. My wife is currently paying five hundred pounds a month to her brother so that he can keep the house with the children after his divorce. We are also 'giving' (lending?) him £30k to pay out his ex wife. We have paid I forget how much, say £600 a month for 9 months to my youngest sister once she lost her job due to ill health. We've given thousands to those in need. We put ourselves out. We've looked after children.

I've already written how I gave £2k to a mate to help with his debts, and lent him a further £2k (which he's now paid back). I helped him move (probably over five days worth of effort on my part).

In short, if we saw a need and thought we could help we did.

And now we are exhausted. Years and years of helping others - rescuing others - has worn us out. There's so much need out there. And we've been given so much.

But we can't do it any longer. We need to be wiser about being rescuers.

I talked with my wife yesterday about this -saying that instead of expending our energy on others we should look to start to feed and nourish ourselves. Our souls. Our bodies. Our spirits. Make it a priority - actively prioritising things to ensure we do things for us, feeding and nourishing us.

Not sure how this is going to work out yet. But we need to start doing it. So that, along with my realisation that I was projecting crap onto my wife meaning I couldn't be with her and support her means a whole new future is opening up. I don't need to be in control, don't need to fear domination (see previous posts) means I can relax, be calmer, and enjoy being with my wife for a whole day, or week? Or month etc whilst still being free to see friends, and be on my own.

So - stop rescuing, and start living.

Harder said than done - but we are going to give it a go!