My wife can't continue with me as it is..

We seemed to have reached an impasse. We can both explain to a certain level where we think we are, what we think is needed, but we (maybe?) differ on the way forward.

She wants to know that we are together, on a journey together. She feels that I am not giving her that. I feel that it can't be all my fault - and that there must be some stuff we haven't seen yet. Which is where couple therapy is required. She knows that she can't repeat the pain of the last eighteen years. She can't take "it" any longer, and as a result is running out of options. I don't want her to be unhappy.

In short, as it stands right now we will be separating.

And how do I feel about that? Powerless. A sense of disbelief. A desire for it not to be so. A commitment to make it right - where I can.

My therapist said don't make life changing decisions in the middle of therapy. A good mate of mine said the same. It makes sense. It's also clear that we are working through all manner of stuff at the moment (individually, affecting us as a couple (normally positively)) - but working through this stuff is very difficult and painful. So how can either one of us see clearly? The answer is we can't. At the same time I (think I) understand how my wife feels. She's really hurting, and feels that I am only exacerbating the pain, and for her own health she can't continue.

So regardless of the reasons for the pain, we need to find some way forward quickly otherwise courses of action will be undertaken which once done are difficult to undo.

With this in mind I will call one of the couple therapists recommended to me. The closest one doesn't work during summer holidays. The other one lives over 20 miles away - which is a shame - but I will need to speak to her to see if she can see us for 6-8 weeks until the other returns. I don't think we can wait 6-8 weeks..