My sister living with us for more than a month is enough!

Pfff. I'm knackered. Exhausted and worn out. I helped my sister move all of her belongings from the storage place into out garage. Actually - that should read I moved all the stuff.

She came to the UK 11 weeks ago, and stayed with us a week or two. Then went away for 3-4 weeks, then came back four weeks ago. Before she stayed with us she agreed that she would not stay for more than three days in a week as we all needed our space. Of the last four weeks she has been away maybe four to five days.

She's physically wasted/exhausted - so can't do anything.
She's emotionally wasted/full - so needs to let it out.

It's like my wife and I have been full time carers for an adult who won't face the reality of the situation. And I'm supposed to be on a sabbatical because I'm exhausted!! After the last time she visited I have deliberately kept barriers in front of me. And she has found that hard - as it bangs on her rejection. But as time goes on it gets more and more difficult. There is another person in your house - and you have to relate to them. But to relate to my sister is like relating to an abused eight year old.

You can't actually point anything out to her - as she can't handle it, disagrees and starts crying. If you try and have a conversation with her, it's all about her. Start talking about one of the girls doing dancing and it becomes about what sort of dancing she does, did or would like to. It's very tiring. It means you have to constantly watch what you say, how you say it. It's worse than walking around egg shells.

So if you put up barriers - and leave her to it - then after a couple of days she starts talking to you whether you want to or not. "What do you think, should I do A or B, wear A or B, go to A or B, pack A or B, leave on A or B date, see friend A or B, spend £a or £b??". She can't make a decision on anything. My wife has just sat through two hours of watching my sister try on various clothes to help her decide a) which clothes she should keep and b) which clothes she should take back to Israel (where her boy friend lives). My wife is exhausted.

She's taken over one of the bedrooms, the dining room (which has currently filled with around 10-15 boxes in all different states of unpacking/sorting) and is often ensconced in the living room because "she needs to watch boring TV in order to switch off". In addition, she will have either my laptop or my wife's.

She's so fearful of being rejected she is constantly checking whether she is ok. If you even hint that it may be a bit of a pain for her to be here - but hey, that's life - then she fills up. Blames the fact that she's been here for four weeks without a break. That she has no one to talk too. She can't talk to her friends because of where they are at. She can't visit her "many excellent friends" because they are too busy, she has already visited them, they have their own issues...

Talk to her about therapy and she claims that she has excellent friends - who have helped her immensely. Where are these friends? Where were they during the weeks/months she has been sorting through her storage? Did they give her lifts there? No I did. Did they help her move boxes, sort boxes, try and be empathetic/sympathetic whilst clearly doing the wrong thing? No - that was me. Did they try and encourage her, praise her as she sorted through box after painful box? No - that was me too. Did they see her getting more and more emotionally full, and wonder what to do for the best? No - that was me too. Did they sit her down, offer hugs at the appropriate moment, ensure she had stuff to drink and eat? Nope - that was me too. Did they give her a lift back to ours? Cook her tea (different from everyone else because she can't eat what everyone else eats?) - no - that would be me or my wife. Did they get interrupted when they were having a cosy night in with the wife in order to be asked to either help make a decision, or listen to her as she poured out her emotionally full mind? No - that would have been us. Did anyone else give her money? Take her places, take her out (to stop her going insane?), take her to the train/bus station, pick her up? Plan for her coming one day only to be told she wasn't? Plan for her not coming only to find out she was?

And all the time - not actually being able to speak your mind to her as she couldn't handle it.

What friends? Where are they? These magic friends who mean the world to you. These wonderful friends who listen to you, support you, "awesome" friends. Bollocks. They are acquantances, colleagues. Yes friends, but not really deep wonderful awesome friends who will stick by you through thick and thin. No - that was me and my wife.

Not my parents, not my other sisters. But us. And it's bloody tiring, exhausting..

We've been rescuers. We've been carers. We've been parents, brother/sister, friends to her. And we've reached the end. She was supposed to leave Friday in order to visit an awesome friend. We knew she wouldn't go - as she wouldn't be ready and she was too wasted. She didn't. So she's here. She said she's go Monday. She hasn't even started packing to leave yet (what a rigmarole that will be!). She still has some 20 boxes to sort. The rest has now been removed from storage into our garage.

I can't wait for her to go - so that we can get our life together again. Relax. And stop being resuers - see next post..