I'm so afraid of being squashed

So, there we were. We'd had a great day in London. We'd watched a show, and then we made passionate love when we got back home. It was awesome sex. 10/10. Everything about it was great. She wanted me. I wanted her. The sex was great. Full on mouth to mouth kissing throughout. WOW.

We finished around 11pm. And after cuddling for 5 minutes, I went down stairs and watched Euro 2008 highlights - eventually going to bed at 11pm.

This morning my wife woke up, and said that she thought it strange I'd left her the previous night. Naturally speaking she would have made love to me again this morning. But I felt pressured. Oh I could have, but I didn't want to spoil the previous night.

We talked for a while. Then got up. We had breadkfast, and around lunchtime she told me there was a train from where we live into the local town in 45 minutes. What? Thought I. What train? I don't want to go on a train into town this afternoon. It's a beautiful day, and I want to go fishing.

It went downhill from there. She got very angry, stating that I was connected one minute, not all connected the next. I went fishing, and didn't get back till around 7.30pm. My wife wasn't willing to engage with me.

"Why do you blank me? I can't live like this - one minute you are connected. The next minute you want to do your own thing, on your own. There's only one way where that will end.."

So - why do I do it? Bfff.

I think that I fear being squashed. And why do I fear that? Because my dad squashed me off course.. But that's only when I think about it. In reality, when I think that I may be about to be dominated by anyone, my wife included, then I go into self protection mode. At bed time I will stay downstairs to watch a film. I will then go to bed an hour or two after my wife.

So - I will read a book, watch TV, go on the laptop, go fishing, switch off, go into self protection mode.

This is not because I don't like my wife. I love my wife. And want to be close to her. And want to support her. But when push comes to shove, I look to protect myself more. To stop myself from even the hint of being squashed. There are aspects of my behaviour that then becomes like a boy. I run to do something by myself. I do something for too long, as if there is no discipline. I then fear the reaction I'm going to get. So it's a double bind.

It leaves my wife without a husband. Me feeling like a little boy who needs to run away.

Pffff. Crap, bollocks. My fear of being squashed is so high that I bunker down, cut and run.

Pain. ARRGggghhhh. PPPppffffff. GGrrrrrr. Why? Because I was squashed. By my dad. OOoooowwwww.

How do I now win my wife back over?