I'm quicker to let out my frustrations..

There I was, reversing out of my drive.. past the hedge to stop before being able to see if any cars are coming. Boooooooooooooooppp went the car's horn. My immediate response? I swore.

The smallest things cause me to let off with a vent of anger and expletives. And this from a man who has never sworn in his life (well, rarely).

Do I feel guilty about this? No. Do I feel that God will judge me for it? No. I think that God is far more interested in us being real, rather than false. Looking holy but underneath festering with hurt - or being genuine and honest about the pain. Which would you rather? Dealing with someone who was seemingly perfect and yet not at all genuine, or someone who was rough and ready but completely genuine?

There's still lots for me to work out reference God. And right now I am not praying or reading my Bible. Many Christians would read that and tut-tut . Where's your daily bread? Where's the entrance of truth? My answer? I've already eaten and it made me sick. The reason being that the truth was mixed in with lies. And at the moment I'm finding it difficult to separate one from the other, as the lies (not deliberate, but lies all the same) were given as truth.

So - I feel crappy because my wife is not connecting with me. I feel crappy because I am processing my pain (and it hurts). I'm still mixed up. Still haven't spoken to one of my sisters about it not being her fault (which I will at some point).