God, am I allowed to enjoy life?

God - is it ok for me to live life to the full if it doesn't involve church, ministry or generally doing all those things I have been taught one should as a Christian?

• Can I go travelling the world without justifying it by turning it into a missionary trip?
• Can I buy a house without thinking whether I can fit a church group in the front room?
• Can I plan my weekends to go walking, sailing, skiing without needing to go to church?
• Can I sell my company then live on a farm without needing to give my money to the poor?
• Can I enjoy friendships without trying to make them Christians?
• Can I enjoy fine wines, nice cars, good clothes, without needing to justify them in some way?
• Do I need to fulfil a NT law (die, go, give) in order to receive a "Well done thou good and faithful servant"?

Or does life mean some pious pharisaical life filled with trying to match up, trying to fulfil the law of grace and mercy. Does it mean always feeling guilty because I'm earning money in a job I enjoy rather than ministering in a church? Does it mean bringing up my family around the disciplines of church (Sunday, mid week, youth, prayer, weekends away) rather than the joy of life? Can I spend money on high end cameras to take average photos - or should this money be given to the poor? Can I enjoy friendships with free masons without having to take every opportunity to tell them the error of their ways? Can I spend serious money on ponds full of Koi carp rather than sending the same money to afar off missionaries? Can I sell a company then work out what to do next regardless of what it is, or on selling the company should I look to see how I can "be used by God".

God, I'm confused. I was brought up being taught that I should do all of the above. That my life was dead, and I should only live to you - meaning doing all these things. But I can't. I can't match up. I can't do it. And yet I feel guilty. Lord - release me to know what you meant when you said you will have life, and life in all it's fullness, because right now I'm falling well short..