Things are a little rosier, and I'm changing

After revisiting the cash flow as per last entry, I am feeling happier. The figures we've put forward in terms of sales and costs are really worst case (though I find myself having to reclassify "worst case" as each quarter goes by...). However, the meeting with the bank managers went well. Sort of. As long as sharp intakes of breath at seeing losses for the next six months don't count. But, seeing the next financial years figures helped. That and our track record. So I'm hoping that they will be able to give the company a £150k overdraft whilst not requiring my house as the asset.. Watch this space.

My wife is still working through something painful - which makes me feel like I must be some sort of monster. Why? Because last week I was Mr Nice, this week I'm Mr Persona Non Grata, Or Worse. I find this difficult and painful. In fact I find it crushing.

I talked about it with my therapist this week. He said it was because my wife sees me as a man, but on the inside there's a little boy who is hurt and hasn't been nurtured. Work through stuff, see the truth of things, and I'll be able to nurture (parent) that part of me, which in turn will mean I will be able to relate to my wife at a different level. Currently I react on the inside as if my father was still beating me when anyone says anything against me. Deal with that, and I won't feel like that again.

Renew your mind, the truth will set you free..

I'm working 5 days this week, which is the first time I've done that in over a year. I couldn't have done it a month ago, as I was too exhausted - which shows that as I work through these painful stuff which has been internalised from the past, I am being liberated, released resulting in more energy. And so though extremely painful at times (and I mean looking at the most painful areas), I can see the change it bringing about within me, and I like it.

:)