Emotions!

Well. What to report. I'm not getting quality regular time to pray at the moment :(. I'm reading the Bible over breakfast - which is something. But I'm not beating myself up.

I/we are making progress on the personal front. This last week has been really good. My wife and I have had really good chats about some really deep things. How I perceive her apparent up/down swings and impact on me (I.e. it's not all my fault, but stuff in her past). She has spoken with me about my frequent inability to really connect at a deep emotional level. Both conversations were life changing.

We had a great weekend (in the sense of our relationship, the weekend itself involved Fri, Sat and Sun taxiing which was tiring!), and when I came home Monday night my wife was really... attractive. She was chirpy, fun, light, and it was a relief. In fact I was quite emotional. We talked later that night, and we both had a good cry together. She's dealing with her past, I'm working through mine, and we are working together for each other. And it's great.

I remember shortly after getting married that another chap told me that marriage and everything that goes with it just gets better. And I agree. Provided you keep working at it, investing it, treating your wife as your treasure, it does get better. It gets you through the hard times, and allows you to celebrate the good. Together.

I saw my therapist this afternoon (first time in 4 weeks due to hols etc). And it went ok. I explained much of my last 2 postings. He said that it appeared to him that we (I) deal with a load of negative stuff as children, then we go into adult life and deal with more stuff there. Eventually it gets too much and it starts affecting us. Until we deal with it we become overrun. The deal is work through stuff to be free from it. Most of us (me until now) just push down negative stuff. Apparently the vast majority of his clients have some kind of irritable bowel. It's as if we push stuff down, et voila. There's the physical being impacted by the emotion/psyche.

I'm enjoying the fact that I feel emotional, and am very aware of the deep grunging/twisting in my guts which has been there for some time now. Whenever I get stressed, or deal with a thorny issue, it feels like someone has grabbed my guts, and is twisting them. I believe that's the crap that I've pushed down there, and I want to deal with it. My therapist says this takes time, and is a gradual process. I want it out now. But there you go.

So. All in all, the company is making a loss (6 months in and around £100-140k down), I have a new sales director who is doing very well, releasing me to give me more time, I work 3-4 days a week, taking more time for myself, working through issues, feeling emotional.. I've sold my big merc (for a £10k loss :( over 4 months), and have just bought a Golf (for 12 months). Building work is progressing quickly (walls going up along back of house).

So that's it. Update complete.