And June - And God is still on my case

From an email I sent to a friend - 11th June

Well, we've found another Sales Director, expensive £125k guaranteed for 6 months, OTE of £150k per annum. But he's very experienced, has grown three companies, is loyal. The last company was from £6m-100m in 9 years. I'll have some of that.

We're losing money for the first two months. Which kind of grabs your attention. Allowing for my salary we're about £50k down after month 2. Which is a lot. I'm realising that to have profit whilst pushing for growth is very difficult. I've just written myself an action list of ten points, the first of which is to put the necessary plans/paperwork together to be in a position to get the bank to give us some cash. We don't need it at the mo, but better asking for it when you don't rather than when you do!

If I told my wife we were that far down she would be very stressed and distrusting of me.

We are in a catch twenty position where to grow we need more delivery staff. But hiring sales has been more difficult. Provided the SD starts (2nd July) and we get another senior account manager for public sector I do believe (faith!) that we can reach our targets for this financial year. This is to have the target revenue through the accounts and be profitable (9 months left). But this is the point that either faith kicks in, or, foolishness. Depending on your perspective it could be either. The bank manager and my wife would say the latter.

Lately God has really been on my case ref James 4/5. Self seeking, selfish ambition, humanly wisdom. It really is a follow on from the stuff He's been at me for the last 12 months. So much of what I strive for has been from selfish ambition, self seeking. Carried out with human wisdom. How do I know that trying to go for £5m isn't more of the same?

Sure I need faith, and have faith. Faith without works is dead. Useless. Worldy. Sensual. Demonic. Faith applies as much in a Sunday morning praying or preaching as it does growing a business. If not more so. God really challenged me last year to "take a hold of that for which he has taken a hold of you" - or in my language - to really go for it.

Hey - this is encouraging me as I write this. I feel quite flat at the mo, and am struggling a little with motivation ref the company. Interestingly, since interviewing the latest SD and thinking that he could do a better job than in day to day management of the company than I, the thought has left me feeling less motivated with the company. It's like it needs to grow, but the hard bit has been done. It's been started. I can pass it onto someone else. And I think that this is the thing that has hit me in the last week or so. I can pass it on. The people though great are not enough for me to carry on doing it.

I can look at the next thing. Mobile promotions. Travel to encourage brothers in mission. Support my wife (which needs cash!!). Hey, I think I'm telling myself what I want to be doing. The order should of course be the opposite! My wife first :o ;)

The thing is this stuff takes longer than you like does it not. Provided the SD starts (and I don't know how I'll react if he doesn't - probably slump for a while..) it will take him min 6 months to get up to speed ref sales team/management - and learn what we do as a business. Another six months to get to the numbers we need, so I'm looking at at least 12 months before I could pass on reigns. Maybe 2 years. Maybe it will be easier with another experienced heavy weight on the team.

Hey, do you realise how good you are at listening ;). You haven't interrupted me once. lol. Well - gotta go. I'm about the kingdom, And the violent take it by force (that's the bit I relate to) - but I'm learning that God's wisdom is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield full for good fruit and mercy, without hypocrisy or partiality. That those who consider themselves wise and understanding should do good works with the meekness of wisdom. Meek. Pure. Gentle. Yielding. All words which I've not wanted to be associated with in my humanly pride/ego.

Lord - thank you that you are changing us from glory to glory one degree by another, and that your grace is enough, is more, is abundant. We can know your joy, peace and strength. You are our hope, our anchor, our strong tower to whom we can run and find safety. I confess that it is YOU who orders my feet, who makes my path straight and will remove me feet from the net. I believe that you are, and that you are a rewarder of those who diligently seek you. That the prayer of faith is effective. That you are Lord. My King, my messiah, my saviour, my wonderful father. Lord I praise You. You are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Thank you Lord...

Shalom.