I want to follow you, but this is difficult!

My life is yours o Lord. I want your presence in my life, your glory to be made manifest. I want you. But do I also want me? To do things for you. To be fulfilled. To feel good, useful, riding the wave, bringing life. Whoever wants to find their life must lose it.. Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone..

Alpha, business, mission, money, family, church.. there's so much I could do, so what should I do. I know, I know, be lead by God. So here I am listening to some worship, worshipping, praying. And my heart's cry is to follow the Lord. Know His presence.

And there are things which if they happened would make my walk easier, easier to follow you, easier to devote time, energy, money to your kingdom. A Sales Director in my business, Account Managers to manage my accounts. Increased revenues, profits.

Rome wasn't built in a day. David wasn't sat upon the throne within a day of his anointing. Perseverance, endurance, fighting the good fight, having done all to stand.

Chocolate gives a blood rush, raising levels of endorphin in the brain, releasing feel good factor. How much of our walk with the Lord is looking for the next spiritual rush. I felt good in your presence last year/month/week. You spoke to me, challenged me, allowed me to see the plains to the east and west, promised me that where my feet walked I could claim. But today I don't feel the endorphin. I just see the challenges. The time and commitment I need to give to my wife, my family. The bills that need to be paid, the jobs that need to be done. The workload I can't get through. The fact that I am but human, with a human body which is tired and feeling brearg.

I am faithful to complete that which I started in you. Have faith. Believe in Me. I am the same yesterday today and forever.

Oh God, I believe, help me in my unbelief. I want to follow you. Give me wisdom. Allow you to change me from one degree of glory into another. Work on my heart, as who I am is far more important than what I do. Allow your grace to flood me and mine. Keep my feet from the net, make my paths straight, hide me under the shadow of your wing, allow your work to be evident in my work, your mercy to be upon us all the days of our short lives, your beauty shining upon us. For how will they know that You are God unless you go with us? Do not let me move on from here without your presence.